原： Today was first day of our travel.
訂： Today was the first day of our trip.
解： “Travel” is usually used as a verb, so the noun “trip” would be a more appropriate word choice in this sentence. When used as a noun, “travel” refers to the act of traveling.
原： We will be visiting Kyoto, Osaka and Nara, and today we visited Kyoto.
訂： We will be visiting Kyoto, Osaka and Nara. Today we visited Kyoto.
解：Good job! You could also separate this sentence into two smaller sentences for added clarity.
原： I was very exciting in Kyoto. There were many old temples. It was very beautiful.
訂：It was very exciting in Kyoto. There were many old temples. They were very beautiful.
解：You probably mean it was exciting in Kyoto. It’s like “boring” and “bored”. A “boring” person makes other people “bored”. An “exciting” place like Kyoto, makes people “excited”.
解：“Temples” is plural, so you should use “They”.
原： Most beautiful temple was Kinkaku-ji for me. Because it was gold. I wish I can buy it.
訂： The most beautiful was Kinkaku-ji. Because it is golden. I wish I could buy it.
解：“Golden” refers to the color, “gold” to the metal.
解：When talking about a situation that isn’t real, but that you wish were real, you should use the past tense. So, you say “I wish I were taller”, instead of “I wish I was taller”. Many native speakers make this mistake, though.
原： Tomorrow, I will go to Osaka. I want to eat famous Osaka’s food. For example, tako-yaki, okonomi-yaki and so on.
訂： Tomorrow, I will go to Osaka. I want to try some of Osaka’s delicacies. For example, takoyaki, okonomiyaki and so on.
解： A “famous food” is called a “delicacy”. Also, “try” sounds more natural than “eat”.
原： And in Osaka, I am planning to buy presents for my family. I really want not to end this trip.
訂： And in Osaka, I plan to buy presents for my family. I really don’t want this trip to end!
解： When someone “ends something”, that’s generally because they are not enjoying themselves. Since you were clearly having a good time, you should talk about the “trip ending” instead of your “ending the trip”.
原： Chapel Hill is located in south east part of US. About 57,000 population lives in there.
訂： Chapel Hill is located in the southeastern part of the US, with a population of 57,000 people.
解：The terms North/South/East/West are used to refer to countries, while Northern/Southern/Eastern/Western have a geographical meaning. So, North Korea is a country, while Northern Korea is a region in the Korean Peninsula.
原： It’s not a big city though, sylvan and beautiful city.
訂： It’s not a big city, but it is beautiful and surrounded by luscious forests.
解： This sentence is grammatically correct. However, the word “sylvan” is not used in everyday conversation. It is often used in place names such as “Pennsylvania” (Penn’s woods”). “Luscious” means “beautiful”, “pleasing”.
原： There is three famous colleges which get reputation and lots of students in the city.
訂： It has made an enviable reputation for its universities and is known as a college town.
解：“Reputation” can have both a positive and negative meaning. By adding “enviable” you’re making it clear that the city has a good reputation. There is nothing wrong with writing “there are lots of students”, but “college town”(学生街) sound more natural.
原： On the street, people are playing music and singing. Passing strangers join there and start to dance.
訂： On the street, people sing and play instruments. Passers-by join them and start dancing.
解：We call a “passing stranger” a “passer-by”. The plural of “passer-by” is “passers-by”.
解：“passers-by join them” – you can also write “passers-by join in”.
原： The city has created some great bands such as Polvo and Superchunk, which is my favorite.
訂： The city has produced some great bands, such as Polvo and Superchunk, which is my favorite.
解：“Create” is used with objects. “Produce” is also normally used with objects, but it can also be used with people. It has the same meaning as “輩出する” in Japanese.
原： Some great gifted artists are also in the city.
訂： It is also home to many other gifted artists.
解： When you say someone is “in the city” that means they’re visiting the city. You can use “is home to” to say that they were born (and maybe raised) in the city.
原： In Japan is really late right? Why are you still awake? What are you doing?
訂： In Japan it’s really late, right? Why are you still awake? What are you doing?
解：All verbs in English require a subject. When the subject isn’t a person or an animal, we use “it” instead. For example, we say “It is raining” or “It is late”.
原： This is my lifestyle these days!
訂： This is my lifestyle these days!
解：Good job! No changes necessary.
原： Hahaha really? Me too! I don’t sleep a lot generally.
訂： Hahaha. Really? Me too! I don’t need much sleep, generally.
解： If someone doesn’t sleep a lot, that is because they either a) don’t need much sleep or b) can’t sleep, because of work, school, stress, etc.
原： Night is silent. So it’s good time to do something!
訂： It’s quiet at night. So it’s a good time to get things done.
解：“Quiet” means for there to be very little noise, while “silent” means that there’s absolutely no noise at all. “Quiet” is more commonly used than “silent”.
解：“Get things done” means you have some tasks to complete. It’s quiet at night so you can concentrate on those tasks.
原： You think so that at night it is easier to stay with your own thoughts? I think this and generally I like to talk with people on night. Is relaxing!
訂： You think that at night it is easier to stay with your own thoughts? I agree and generally I like talking with people at night. It’s relaxing!
解：The correct structure is “I like [verb] + ing”, as in “I like singing”. If by talking you mean over the computer, then you can write “I like chatting with people at night”.
原： My family house has solar panel to generate electricity on the roof.
訂： My family home has a solar panel on the roof to generate electricity.
解：“House” refers to a building where people live, while “home” has an emotional meaning. You can either say “My house has a solar panel” or “My family home has a solar panel”.
解：The solar panel is located on the roof, but it is there to generate electricity for the whole house. You should therefore write “…a solar panel on the roof to generate electricity”.
原： It can generate twice electricity as much as we spend. We confident our life with it.
訂： It can generate twice as much electricity than we spend. We depend upon it.
解： ～twice as much [noun] than we can [verb].
原： These are the reasons.
訂： These are the reasons.
解：This sentence is grammatically correct. However, it reads like a direct translation from the Japanese. You can write “Solar panels offer many benefits. Firstly…” as a more natural sounding alternative.
原： First, we can sell rest of electricity!
訂： Firstly, we can sell the rest of the electricity!
解：There should be a “the” before “electricity”, because you’re talking about the electricity you don’t use. When referring to electricity/electricity services in general, the “the” isn’t necessary. For example, “TEPCO(東京電力) provides electricity to a third of the Japanese population”.
原： In 10 years, we can return investment and profit and second even if a power cut occur by disasters, such as earth quake, typhoon, and magnetic storm, it doesn’t matter for us.
訂： In 10 years, we can see a return on our investment and begin to make a profit. Secondly, even if a power cut occurs because of something like an earthquake, typhoon or magnetic storm, it doesn’t matter to us.
解： The correct collocation is “to see a return on my/our investment”.
解： “Power cuts” occur because of something instead of by something.